Antlers of a Dilemma

So, here’s the sich: My tutoring job pays me decent wage, but I get 8 hours a week. Not nearly enough to support me in my endeavour to become an adult and move into an apartment.

Since the company I work for does not proceed with tutoring over the students’ summer vacations I plan to get another serving job to increase my income and support my lifestyle. If this second serving job were to work out, I plan not to go back to the tutoring company. Seems all fine and dandy does it not?

Well, unfortunately it would appear that my students have become accustomed to me. Why? Beats the hell outta me. I personally think I’m a terrible tutor. Let’s be honest here, when I’m not in the mood I deal with my tutoring sections by telling my student to write an essay on whatever topic I pull out of my… head and then proceed to go over it with them when they’ve finished. What do I do while they sweat and stress over this random essay topic? Why, I study my own homework, or read. I give them my attention when they ask for it, but mainly I’m in my own world. I’m not a very good tutor, or so I have led myself to believe.

Turns out, my ESL student is adamant that I tutor him over the summer, and that I continue to tutor him when the new school year arrives. Seriously, Kid? I know that I’ve been your tutor for two years, but how have you not yet realized that I have NO idea what I’m doing? He even recommended me to a friend, who I also tutor now. Today, another student surprised me, she also asked me to tutor her over the summer. WHAT IS HAPPENING? Did they conspire? As soon as I decided I want out, they’re trying to pull me back in! What the hell am I doing right?

What’s a girl to do? I need that time to work at a job that will allow me to pay my rent, also if I were to tutor them by what miracle would I get any of my own work done? It seems like a simple answer, “Just say no.” It works with drugs, and forest fires, why not with telling kids I wont teach them? Unfortunately, I have a  weak heart and feel obligated to these kids. Who else is going to tell them that what they’re doing is actually quite pointless and will in no way help them when they get to college or university? For my own sanity’s sake (what little is left anyways), I need to say no. I need to tell them, “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve got my own shit to deal with.” But it feels so cold! I feel like I’m shoving the baby bird out of the nest right after it’s hatched, so long birdy, have a nice fall, try not to die at the bottom.

Of course, I realize I’m exaggerating  and that these kids will just find another tutor. But do I really have an obligation to these kids, (keep in mind, that “kids” in this context means high school students)? Or am I just filling myself with needless guilt (which I tend to do)? It does seem like I’ve already made up my mind to say no, but I guess what I’m looking for is reassurance that I’m not hanging these kids out to dry to benefit myself.

If you think you have an answer for me, go ahead, lay it on me. I’ve always appreciated the advice of strangers, they’re never biased in my favour.

(I apologize for the enormous amount of cliches you just endured, it happens when I’m in a pickle.)


2 thoughts on “Antlers of a Dilemma

  1. I will say..that…you should say no! In no way would that make you heartless. Things change and people move on to better and different jobs and that is something that simply happens. They will get over it in time!

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