The din of sweet silence, how does it clear the air, make it crisp and serene? It’s not all quiet here, while the room is filled with nothing but breath, I have a million sounds screaming from all sides. In here, in my mind, there’s nothing but chaos and distraction. Where’s this peace of mind that I’ve heard so much about? Where does this sense of ease come in when all I feel is calamity and activity?
Think, think, think.
When will it settle? When will I finally enjoy that sweet spell of turbulent free existence?
It’s all a mess, this head of mine. I need a shovel and three trucks just to move half of what pops in every few seconds.
But what then, when the chaos has been set to an organized jumble of what goes on, what emotions linger, what I truly believe? What then?
How do you make sense of it all? Our minds can create, achieve, understand, panic, disturb, love, and so on. What will I end with? Is there anything to gain from this jumble of words, imagines, ideas, and emotions?
Clarity, now there’s a foreign concept. Everything, everything all at once, that’s how it works. All or nothing, there’s no other way I know. Life either passes me by or pours everything, good, bad, ugly, beautiful, exciting, frightening, all of it on me.
I never have answers, only more questions. Every answer I look for brings me just more complex questions. How do you answer questions with more questions? How to you settle on an idea, theory, concept, reality when all you have to go on is what might be due to speculation, due to your own line of questioning with little reasoning?
When do the questions stop? If they do, I fear it will be my end. I always wonder, I always analyze, I always interpret, but still I have no answers.
Shhhh, try to find the quiet, the clarity, the peace. Is it peace of mind or a piece of mind? Either seems remarkably possible. I suppose that’s just one more thing to ruminate on.